images-4

It’s the day after Thanksgiving. I haven’t posted in this blog since my dog, Ginger, was being worked up for a deadly cancer, hemangiosarcoma. I wrote about my deep love for her and my not wanting to “let go”. I’m happy to report the tumor in her spleen was benign! We came out of this game of Russian Roulette with only a scare. I am beyond thankful.

I haven’t written about anything cancer for the past six month because my cancer has been in remission. I’ve been busy living. Since my diagnosis and year and a half of treatment, I’ve gained back my 25 pounds, my hair is shoulder-length, I’ve ridden my bike up Independence Pass and Deadhorse Point. I’ve cycled the Tour of Moon, the Tour de Steamboat and the Moab Skinny Tire Festival. I recently started training for a half-marathon. I dove back into work headfirst. I love being a therapist and teacher and a volunteer. After being diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer almost three years ago, I realized how much I love being alive. In fact, you could say I have a love affair with being alive.

I had my three-month follow-up visit recently. My tumor marker is rising. The most likely explanation is that my cancer is recurring. There is a small chance it is not. I go back for another check up in 3 weeks. I’m crushed. The thought of letting go of my love affair with being alive weighs heavy on my heart. Every day has been Thanksgiving since the day I was diagnosed with cancer. I am thankful for mornings and Mondays. I am thankful for windy days and snowy walks. I am most thankful for life’s surprises. Life is beautifully unpredictable. I will miss this the most.

I don’t know what’s around the next corner. I try not to anticipate what I do not yet know. In the meantime. I am thankful for you.